Murphy's Laws (X-COM)

Battlescape (UFO Defense)

Soldiers

• If a soldier can miss, it will.
• If a soldier can panic, it will.
  • If your soldier holds a primed Proximity Grenade and panics he'll drop it and start running
    • If holding any other weapons he'll drop them and run right next to an alien
• If a soldier is armed, it will get MCed.
• When a member of your squad is mind controlled, his/her accuracy and reactions increase.
  • The opposite is true when you mind control an alien
• The soldier with the most powerful weapon is surely the one with the worst morale / MC resistance.
• If a soldier can hit an alien, it won't
• If a soldier goes berserk, he/she will turn to face your nearest soldier and autofire
• If a soldier has a Rocket Launcher, he will get MCed while still in the craft
• Your first unit out is always shot down
  • Your first unit out is always your commander
• A wounded soldier will die before you find the last alien
• As soon as you get better armor, the aliens get better weapons
• Flares will land where they cannot be picked up
• If your base is attacked, you will always get flares instead of Heavy Plasmas
• You will always end up short of 1 TU to perform the action you wanted to do
  • You will prime a grenade at 1 turn then be 1 TU short of throwing it
• If an alien grenade can explode and take out half or all of your squad, it will
• The soldiers with the worst stats will always be promoted
  • When you build the Psi Lab you will always discover that your officers are psi weaklings
• On Ethereal Terror Missions, you will always get the most Sectopods as possible.
• If you can not remember, do not use Proximity/Particle Disturbance Grenades.
  • All Five Second Grenades are Three Seconds
• If there is a civilian near the enemy you want to kill, your soldiers will always kill that civilian instead.

Civilians

• If a civilian sees a fire he will run into it
• If a civilian sees an alien he'll move right next to it
• If a civilian can block your line of fire to an alien he will do that
• Civilians will always be attracted towards dropped primed proximity grenades
• Civilians block doorways if you run out of time units before you can reach them
• Civilians will always run towards the aliens

Aliens

• If an alien can miss, it won't
• If an alien can MC you, it will
• Alien commanders will always kill themselves (with their Blaster Launchers) to avoid capture
• If there are Chryssalids, you will get at least one zombified soldier
• You'll never want to know the answer to "why did the Chryssalid cross the road?"
• If a Reaper can get stuck, it will
• If a Cyberdisk can explode on one of your men, it will.
• Unconscious aliens capable of melee attacks wake up when you least expect them to
• If you opened a door and turned left, the aliens are all on the right
• Sectopods will always reaction fire to you
• Aliens are smarter than they look

Geoscape (UFO Defense)

• When you need money the most, some of your funders will stop funding you.
• As soon as you get a new base online, it will be attacked
• As soon as you get lots of money, the aliens will make you spend it all
• Terror sites always appear only at night
• Seas always appear below a crashing UFO
• The first country to drop funding always gave the most money
• X-COM bases are always attacked when the squads are out
• Crashed UFO's never have Elerium
• Landed UFO's will take off before you can get to them
• UFO's will always arrive after your Skyranger is refueling from a two day patrol
• If you have forgotten to save the game for at least 3 missions, the game will crash
  • The game will always crash when it is the least convenient
• If you launch a craft fully equipped for night fighting it will arrive at its intended location during daytime
• If you launch a craft fully equipped for day fighting it will arrive at its intended location during nighttime
• When a base becames operational UFO activity on that area will cease to zero immediately afterwards
• If your craft only has 1 missile left when it shoots it will miss
• Alien UFO scouts will always outrun your Interceptors

Cityscape (Apocalypse)

• If you're almost broke after buying a new flagship for your fleet, it will be destroyed in the next UFO incursion.
• The pride of your fleet is always stuck in alien dimension when you get attacked by a Mothership.
• UFOs carrying infiltrators always spawn at the gate you don't have covered.
• Griffon AFV is tough. The road under it is not. The tracks are just for show.
• There are only two types of vehicles that are always in abundance on the market. Blazer bikes and Stormdogs.
• While en route to a building, your craft will shoot at a Cult civilian car and demolish half of the city trying to hit it. However, the car will survive.
• Megapol is useless.
  • Transtellar is annoying.
    • Everyone else is both annoying and useless.
• Government's weekly paycheck,after paying the overhead, will buy you a Lawpistol clip. Maybe two.
• If your base is in a slum, a single stray shot from a light disruptor will destroy it all.
  • If your base is in a warehouse, said stray shot will still hit the tile with your agents
• Hoverbike swarm is a good idea. Too bad they'll all get shot down anyway because of sheer dumb luck on the aliens' part.
• Research will always be completed right after when you needed it the most.
• After a firefight in the city, the only one to be blamed for the devastation will be you, even if it was an Overspawn that did it.
• The Overspawn will coincidentally be dropped right at your doorstep.
• The Overspawn will never, EVER get hurt from falling debris. Unless you drop the said debris and level half of the city with it.
• People Tubes can collapse from an angry glare or a single bullet.
• You're the only one who has a problem with the aliens. Every other corp has them on neutral.
• Subversion attacks WILL succeed, 100%.
• Your carefully built Dimension Probe will be welcomed by a volley of Heavy Disruptor Guns.At least it just needs to appear at the dimension just once to start the infiltration.
• Your very first invasion of the Alien Dimension will require an hour's savescumming to get it right without being reduced to scrap metal.
• You WILL forget to not to move the XCOM craft when you succeed in destroying an alien building, killing everyone in the process.

Battlescape (Apocalypse)

• If your base is raided, there will be as few of your agents spawning as possible.
  • Said agents will spawn as far away from the access lift as possible.
    • Guess where the scientists will appear.
• If you're raiding a building, there will always be a retard with a heavy launcher.
  • Despite your best efforts, he will manage to fire at least one missile.
    • And he will do so even if you're breathing in his face.
      • There is no way to avoid the missile and injuries or casualties from it.
        • Even if you somehow actually manage to avoid the missile, it'll bring down the building on you.
• That stupid grenade will go off at the cultist corpses and destroy all the goodies you came here for.
• If an agent in a squad gets attacked by a brainsucker, the rest of the squad won't hit it at point blank range.
  • Or they'll fire a missile launcher. Guess the results.
• If you turn around the corner where you think that last alien is hiding, it'll turn out to be half a dozen of Anthropods. All armed to the teeth.
• Berserking agent will cause more chaos and destruction than all of your other agents put together. And it won't be directed at the enemy.
• If someone throws a Boomeroid at an agent, he'll try to run away from it.
  • Because it will always turn out that you forgot to set him to aggressive mode.
• If you try to capture a Megaspawn, he'll die before you can stun it.
• You'd wish you gave that mind controlled agent a Toxigun instead of a Dimension Missile Launcher.
• You'll encounter cloaked and flying Skeletoids much more often than you'd like to.
• Good stuff always comes too late.
• Psi attacks are only successful when they're not necessary.
• Dynamic music always ignores what you're actually doing.
• That agent you sent to scout ahead will always be the one without a motion scanner.
• Every raid is a horrible decision between property damage and greed. Either way, you lose.
• The agent with a Mind Bender won't see the enemy until he's standing right next to it.

Strategic (Enemy Unknown)

• When you need §§§ the most, the US and Russia (which you have satellite coverage over) will pull out of the XCOM project.
• Your satellites will always be available one day too late to prevent a country from withdrawing.
• When you do have satellites available, you will never have enough Satellite Uplink/Nexus space for them.
• When you do have Satellite Uplink/Nexus, you will never have enough satellites.
• If you have one more satellite to go before getting a continent's bonus, that last country will pull out of the XCOM project.
  • The one continent's bonus you don't want to get? The aliens will ignore that continent.
• You will always be at least §1 short of buying the next level of armor/weapons for all your troops.
• If a Colonel can be checked for having the Psi gift, he won't have it.
• If a Rookie can be checked for having the Psi gift, he will.
• Your interceptor will always lose contact 0.1 seconds before the enemy UFO is destroyed.
• Your interceptor will blow up one round of fire exchange after you press the Abort button.
• Just a bit more than a day from getting your Colonel out of the medbay? Time for a Terror Mission!
• Just a bit less than a day from getting your Colonel out of the medbay? Time for a Terror Mission!
  • Fast forwarding will result in the Terror Mission succeeding for the aliens before you can react to your Colonel getting out of the medbay.
• Steam vents will be placed in inconvenient locations.
  • Second floor steam vents will block your 2x2 Satellite Uplink block.
    • The remaining steam vents will be on the 4th floor.
      • In the corner.
• Research or Foundry upgrades will be completed one day after a critical mission appears.

Tactical (Enemy Unknown)

• If a soldier's chance to hit is <99%, he will miss.
• If a soldier's chance to hit is 100%, he won't do enough damage to kill the alien.
• If an alien's chance to hit is >1%, he will hit.
• If an alien's mind control chance is >1%, it will work.
• When aiming at an Ethereal with the last shot of your turn, it will reflect it.
  • If that soldier also has 1 HP, it will definitely reflect it.
• If the vehicle that your soldier is dashing to for cover can be set on fire, it will be.
• Your soldier will always have the exact amount of health for a vehicle to blow him up.
• The more soldiers who perform an Overwatch reaction shot against a single alien, the more likely they will all miss.
  • Soldiers who hit the alien will barely kill the alien.
    • The alien, in turn, will kill your highest-ranking soldier.
      • After killing the highest-ranking soldier, the other aliens will come in and mop everyone else up.
• When you have your whole squad on overwatch they will all shoot one floater.
  • And then all die to his Chryssalid buddy.
• Your Revive spec medic will always be the one critically wounded.
• When trying to capture a commander with one stunner, he will be the one MCed,
• Aliens will always hit soldier's hunkering down behind high cover.
  • The alien will do just enough damage to not kill him, but to cause him to panic.
    • The panicking soldier will kill a soldier and start a panic chain.
• If a soldier can panic, it will.
  • Soldiers that panic will aim for the highest ranking officer he can see.
    • Even behind high cover, on a higher elevation, and covered by a smoke grenade, a panicking rookie will still be able to kill the "protected" Colonel.
• Rockets will always fly off target.
  • ESPECIALLY when you squad is surrounded by explosive vehicles and forklifts.
• Aliens will position themselves right outside the radius of a grenade throw.
  • If a grenade can clip through and explode harmlessly under ground while you are trying to aim it, it will.
• When it is time to face Sectopods or Cyberdiscs, your HEAT ammo heavies will not be with you.
• When it is time to face Muton Elites, your psionics will not be with you.
• Your soldiers are always one grid point away from moving to safely flank an alien.
• When a large UFO lands and you assault with your elite squad you will fight 3 Floaters and 3 Sectoids
• When a moderate alien abduction comes up and you assault with a squad comprised of squaddies and rookies for training purposes, you will fight 9 Mutons (who will each throw their grenades asap), a Cyberdisc, and 2 Drones you can't seem to hit.
• Even when you use the rookie to scout ahead, he will always stumble on no less than every enemy on the map on a single turn, who will then, with most of the laws stated above, wipe your elite squad before you can say Jenkins.